Tuesday, June 9, 2009


Sometimes I look back at my life and wonder why God has blessed me so much... honestly. It scares me to think that I have not gone through much heartache or pain in my life. I have been disappointed, heart broken, felt alone and many other "hard" times but sometimes I think, "when does the really hard stuff come... and am I ready for it?"

I see the extreme pain that people are going through, so much even this week. I know God will prepare me for it when it does hit but have I lived such an innocent life so far that when real true pain hits- will I run straight to God and know that I am ok?

So many people have been in my mind the past couple of days, some of them people I don't even really know. But I think, God must know they are ready for something this BIG- does God want me to dive deeper in His Word, draw closer to Him, pray like mad and prepare myself for tragedy that is inevitable?? YES- I don't think I take that serious enough.

I have not experienced loss like most people have (death or abandonment), I have not experienced physical pain hardly at all (haha child birth might be the first way I break myself into that haha), and have had little disappointment in my life. What is the first big thing that will come into my life and am I too naive to think that it can happen at any point. I feel almost like knocking on wood as I write this post (God forbid something does happen).

Can anyone else relate? I am so blessed and yet humbled to think that God in His infinite wisdom knows when I will be ready and will walk with me through anything. Do I take His sovereign plans seriously enough to do something about it?


Lauren said...

I love this and I am so grateful for your heart! The way that you communicate is so... real!
And yes, I am right there with you! I feel as if the lives of people around me are crashing (pain, hurt, death, abandonment, horrific financial times, etc) and I wonder.... are they ready for this. Were they ready for this pain? Or, were they sitting here like you and I just hoping or ignoring the fact that tragedy, whatever that may look like, is inevitable.
It's not though.
I've been wondering many of those same things. When I'm faced with what seems an infinite struggle, will I run into the arms of God? How long will it take me to rest in his peace? Oie!
There is a woman that I know (you may have met her too... Lisa Seay from Phx 1st) and she's battling cancer and I can not begin to tell you how much it amazes me that she is holding so true to the love of God. Her email updates are the most encouraging notes I have ever read, and I admire that. She doesn’t deserve to be sick and her husband and boys don’t deserve it either. BUT, she is sick... and she is making each and every moment that she has left on earth count.
I want to be like that.
Even in these tough days for her she is focused on her creator. What a legacy!

I didn’t mean to go on a bunny trail, but your post really made me think about these things, that much more.

Life is a crazy, beautiful thing. I don’t want it to pass me by…

Vicki said...

Great thoughts Amber. Being one of those who is in the middle of the most horrible time of my life - not by my choice I look back and ask did I do something wrong? Do I deserve what is going on? The answer is no.

But my peace comes from God. And though I HATE where I am right now, I am tired of hurting. I treasure this time because I am coming to know my Heavenly Father in ways I did not realize were possible.

The joy of the Lord IS my strength. He will NOT leave me or forsake me. He is carrying me through.

Keep your eyes on Him so when you are faced with a crisis, you know where to go (you know all of this!).

And thank God every day for the magnificent blessings He gives.

Penny said...

Sometimes I have felt guilty for having such a strong marriage in light of so many close friends going through major struggles/issues including divorce in their marriages. But I was reminded that I can still be an encouragement to my friends even though I haven't walked in their shoes. I have several mentors who have great marriages that I look up to and I am grateful that God can use my marriage in the same way to younger women and friends. Live each day for God and be available to be used by Him whatever He asks. You are an awesome role model for the young girls/women in our church and that is how God uses your life.